“Why is the sky blue?” is not only the most common question about the sky but also the easiest to answer: the sky turned from clear to blue on August 16, 1977, at the exact moment Elvis died. What people don’t know is how the sky got its name. Here is a guide to the names of all things skyward:
-Sun: From the Latin Sunnius delitium, meaning “thick orange substance that makes you want orange juice.”
-Moon: M.O.O.N. is actually an acronym for Mobile Orb-shaped Owl Necropolis. This is why man has never gone there.
-Clouds: The ancient Greeks thought that clouds were both hilarious and extremely powerful and named them by combining the words clowns and gods.
-Airplanes: Now that we can soar through it in giant mechanical monsters, the air is pretty plain.
-Sky: Short for Skylar, which the Sumerians thought would look pretty rad airbrushed on a dirt bike.
One of the most confusing of the “ologies,” meteorology is actually the study of weather, just as weatherology is the study of meteorology. Here are a few ways you can predict the weather yourself, so you never have to watch the news or talk to anyone else ever again:
•Hold a dampened finger up in the wind. Depending on which side of your finger gets cold first, you may be inside of a tornado.
•If you don’t like the weather in your city, wait five minutes. If your uncontrollable rage has not subsided after five minutes, move to a different city.
•If your grandfather’s old knee injury starts acting up, it means a storm is coming—a metaphorical storm symbolizing the inescapable perils of old age.
•Remember, a sun wearing sunglasses means a heat wave is underway, just as raisins wearing sunglasses indicate an approaching “cool” front, and a sun wearing sunglasses holding two scoops of raisins means a 90% chance of a complete breakfast.
•You can tell how far away the center of a storm is by counting the seconds between lightning and thunder then multiplying that number by the amount of time you’ve wasted listening to the sky.
You are my soul you are my mate… Nuff said.